Why Every Young Guy Needs a Tungsten Cube (Apparently)
If you’re a guy in your early 20s, buy a tungsten cube
— James Stuber 🌱🌿🌳🍂 (@uberstuber) December 28, 2024
Go into debt if you have to
This is not satire. You can get a cube for 4 grand
Having a dense cube communicates status to women and business relationships
And if you buy it right it will hold its value if not appreciate pic.twitter.com/cFyRA7tAuy
Ah, tungsten cubes. A statement piece for the modern man. If you’re in your early 20s, you might think you need to focus on paying off student loans, investing in your career, or perhaps finally figuring out how to assemble IKEA furniture without tears. But according to the philosopher king James Stuber, all of that pales in comparison to owning…a tungsten cube.
The Pitch:
Imagine this: you’re at a networking event, trying to stand out among a sea of well-pressed suits and small talk about crypto. You casually reach into your leather satchel (because of course you have one) and pull out… a dense, shiny, four-thousand-dollar tungsten cube. The room goes silent. People are in awe. Someone whispers, “Is that… tungsten?” Congratulations, you’ve made it.
Why a Cube?
Here’s what Stuber posits: tungsten cubes communicate status. Women, business professionals, possibly even your future self will look at your cube and think, This guy means business. The logic checks out if you assume everyone you meet is a metallurgist or geometry enthusiast.
Debt Is But a Number
Stuber insists you should go into debt for this cube. Why? Because, like fine wine or real estate, your cube might appreciate in value. It’s not just a hunk of dense metal—it’s an investment. Forget stocks. Forget retirement funds. Just buy the cube. What could go wrong?
How the Cube Works:
1. Dating Life: You’re out on a date. Things are going well, but the conversation starts to lull. This is when you casually mention, “Oh, did I tell you about my tungsten cube?” Instant intrigue. Nothing screams, I’m stable and serious about life like a 4-inch square of metal.
2. Business World: Forget elevator pitches. Just plop your cube on the conference table during your next meeting. Everyone will immediately know you’re the kind of person who invests in rare metals—and yourself.
3. Flexing on Social Media: Post a photo of your cube. Add a caption like, “Not all investments glitter. #TungstenLife.” Watch as the likes roll in. You’re officially part of an elite club.
Caveats:
• Moving apartments? Enjoy carrying your cube—it weighs about as much as your unresolved emotional baggage.
• TSA security checks might take a while. “Sir, why do you have a dense cube in your carry-on?”
• It’s not a toy. Do not drop it on your foot unless you also want to invest in medical bills.
Final Thoughts:
In the spirit of James Stuber, I’ll end with a call to action: if you’re a young guy looking to assert your dominance in life, love, and business, stop wasting your time on the basics like health insurance or savings. Instead, put your money where it truly matters: a tungsten cube. Because nothing says “I’ve got my life together” like a $4,000 metal square.